so today i went for an epic shop, and came home £130 worse for wear (or better, hopefully? good one molly) oh and if you peek to the left you'll see i also discovered a marvelous website called laphotocabine.com, which i've been vainly enjoying for the past half hour. AND finally acquired the new, or not so new nowadays, wolf parade album. lovely. though that doesn't sound all that eventful, there's a lot going on right now. tomorrow's my induction day at college, and i start properly on the following wednesday. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't having a 'nervy b'. it's a bit of an odd prospect being plunged into a huge group of people, most of who i won't have a clue who they are, after 5 - and in some cases 12 - years of the same faces every day. i was going to go into a huge metaphor about unblocking toilets then but thought the better of it. ANYWAY that part should be easy enough to get used to, people are fun. the part that is most bothering me is monsieur ex boyf's brand new selection.. and that this will most likely be the point we both call it quits for good. i knew it was inevitable he was going to find someone else he liked, or preferred or whatever, soon enough, and that 'the healthy thing for us both to do now is mooooove onnnnnnnn', blah blah blah, hear it every two mins from mothers and the like. we're not bloody cows. but yeah i know they're all right. i just know who's going to be quicker at the whole moving on thing, cos even though i hear everyone telling me it's the right thing to do, i don't believe it, but unfortunately (for me) he does. my whole gay teenage girly little fantasy of us going through college together like a less divorced version of katie price and peter andre has gone down the drain. the divorce was always going to come. ah well, at least my tv show doesn't have to be taken off the air.
i only got thinking about this today because on the train journey home from shopping we had to sit in the quiet carriage, shock horror for the little girl with the big mouth, moi. so i shoved in an earphone and ever so conveniently all the songs i used to listen to in tears on the train home from his humble abode after a horrible argument or break up and contemplate pathetically 'WHAT AM I DOING' came up on shuffle. i refuse to say what they are, they're all far too humiliating (lets just say that natasha bedingfield is a high contender for the teary top spot and leave it at that). i got that deja vu, then realised that i'll most likely never be staring wistfully out train windows wishing i was somewhere else again because of him. and i'd really like to know why that saddens me. perhaps it has finally sunk in he won't be there to make me sad anymore, he doesn't have that power, and the sad part is, him making me sad and making happy go hand in hand. i can't have one without the other. i'm not ready to forget each other just yet.
ha, i started typing this with the vow that i would devote only a few sentences to gay ex girlfriendy moans. bugger. okay to make up for it, have a nice big slobbery drool over my new shoes:
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